The Secret To Building Confidence

First of all, there is no secret. But it often feels like it is. 

We often think that those with confidence have something figured out that we don’t. They have access to something that is unattainable. So we search for it…

We search for the secrets, the shortcuts, the tricks, the tips, to build confidence. We are not only disappointed when said “secrets” don’t work, but we are frustrated with ourselves for even trying in the first place. 

Which then…decreases our confidence. 

Which then…keeps us playing small. 

Which then…keeps us searching for the next secret. 

I have been coaching speakers of all abilities for over 25 years. In my time I have noticed that while there are no secrets, there are mindsets and habits that build confidence in any area of your life. 

Before I share them with you, be warned: these are not for the person who is faint of heart. These are not for the person wanting to shortcut their way to confidence. These are not for the person who is not serious about reaching their goals. 

If you are truly ready and willing to build your confidence, apply these ideals to your life:

Confidence is not assurance.

Being sure of something means you are not taking risks. Being sure of something means that you are waiting for perfection. Being sure of something means that you are playing a small game. 

Confidence is like courage. Courage is not the absence of fear, it is acting on something despite fear. 

I define confidence as the courage to step into a BIG vision, the ability to embrace the unknown, and the commitment to see it through to the end. 

Most importantly, in order to be confident in something, you must first be willing to NOT be confident at all. 

Sprint TOWARD your fears. 

I grew up afraid to speak. As an immigrant, I struggled with language and with expressing myself in either language. Now I am a professional speaker and speaking coach. 

I grew up unathletic. I had giant orthopedic boots to help my incredibly flat feet. I have been practicing CrossFit for over six years and recently received my Level 1 Training Certification. 

I have a neurodiverse brain. As an adult, I was diagnosed with ADHD which was why I struggled to meet (or exceed) goals in my life. I am not running a thriving and organized speaking business.

Whatever you resist will continue to grow until you feed your fear and train your brain to look for ways that the fear is small in comparison to your goals. 

Do the common uncommonly well. 

The people who are the best in the world at what they do have mastered the fundamentals of their craft. No matter how you spin it, fundamentals are not fun. They take repetitive, consistent practice. 

And they are not “marketable.” 

No one posts about how they spent time in rehearsals. No one talks about how they ran drills for hours. No one talks about the time spent on the minutiae of the craft. 

People want to see the “BIG” result, the massive win. 

Those big results, those massive wins don’t happen if you don’t have the basics mastered.

But people usually don’t want to spend time on the basics because they want immediate results. 

So we tell ourselves a lie that there is a better, faster, more effective way to build confidence. 

And we pretend not to know that the only secret to success is the secret we are keeping from ourselves to avoid the work we need to do in order to be truly confident.